Video Game Characters That Should Get Their Own Talk Show

It’s not enough for a character to be popular in their own video game series. In order to make the truly big bucks they have to conquer all media platforms, from games to movies to toys to comic books and perhaps even to daytime TV talk shows. But who really has what it takes to be the next "Oprah" and not settle to be the next "Anderson"…

 

Luigi

video game talk show super Mario luigi

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Why He Would Make a Good Talk Show Host: Leads a fascinatingly bizarre life which makes for great stories (if they were not all in fact self-medicated hallucinations); Unlike his busier (and far more expensive) brother Mario, Luigi has the free time to host both a TV show and maybe even focus on that forgotten plumbing business that must now be on brink of bankruptcy; Waluigi could guest host for a week of evil and cheating.

What Kind of Talk Show: One that will give away thousands of dollars—and result in numerous concussions—thanks to the coin boxes floating over audience members’ heads.

 

Master Chief

video game talk show master chief halo

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Why He Would Make a Good Talk Show Host: Faceless and almost dead silent are rarely qualities one looks for in a TV personality—unless it frightens the crap out of guests so much they confess to just about anything; Being am enhanced supersoldier will help him stay calm and collected during cooking segments or contact with visiting zoo animals; Removal of helmet could be saved for Sweeps Week.

What Kind of Talk Show: One that will have a high number of visits from very religious aliens, perhaps limiting its appeal in more liberal markets.

 

Lara Croft

video game talk show lara croft fighting

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Why She Would Make a Good Talk Show Host: Aristocratic upbringing, commanding presence, and startling athleticism will prove crucial not only when grilling world leaders but also dancing with them after her opening monologue; No-nonsense attire either says "Take me seriously" or "I may take your life during the commercial break"; Audience members could win valuable prizes that were almost certainly stolen and quite possibly evil.

What Kind of Talk Show: One in which half the audience will dress up like her and the other half will just stare at her (not always at eye-level).

 

Kirby

video game talk show Kirby angry inhale

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Why He Would Make a Good Talk Show Host: Can handle a reluctant or unwilling interview subject by simply swallowing them and copying their personality; Ability to ingest and spit out anything could make for a fun way to introduce surprise guests; Is so adorable audience will be enthralled even when he’s just floating slowly around the studio for a full hour.

What Kind of Talk Show: One that will routinely focus on gastrointestinal issues due to host’s bizarre eating habits.

 

Big Daddy

video game talk show bioshock big daddy

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Why He Would Make a Good Talk Show Host: Very protective of female guests; Series of low-pitched Godzilla grunts during interviews can be taken as signs of Big Daddy’s agreement, difference of opinion, or indication he is about to use his rivet gun; Lack of free will could lead to easier contract renegotiations.

What Kind of Talk Show: One in which audience leaves the studio before start of show because they don’t want to be submerged underwater.

 

Pong Paddle

video game talk show pong paddle ball

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Why It Would Make a Good Talk Show Host: Has been around so long it’s seen everything (though not literally due to absence of eyeballs); A lifetime spent in a permanent black void makes it particularly well informed to discuss such topics as social alienation and depression; Lack of any sex characteristics could prevent it from being just a woman’s show, a guy’s show, or a success.

What Kind of Talk Show: One in which the host and its clone keep tossing back and forth what appears to be a box, maybe a head, or perhaps their own baby.