Website Offers Fake Girlfriend, Complete With Text Messages
There are plenty of guys today having trouble finding a girlfriend. What if this common social problem was made easier? What if these poor Reddit-addled souls could order a girlfriend right off the internet like so many a Doctor Who DVD? Well now, thanks to the folks at FakeGirlfriend.uk, they can! Unfortunately!
"You mean to say this laptop ITSELF is your new girlfriend?"
Let's suppose you're one of these girlfriend-less guys. Here's what you do, if you decide to be this type of person. First, head over to the website, save a specific number to your phone, and text it whenever you need to feel loved. You'll soon receive a girlfriend-esque text back from a robot girlfriend. Then, exactly ten minutes later a phone call playing a pre-recorded message. The only role you'll play in this charade is picking a believable name to save this contact under. I'd suggest something dowdy, like Myrtle or Bethesda. No one will buy it if you say you're dating a girl named, like, Alyssa.
There has never been an unattractive Alyssa.
The next time you're talking up a cute real-life lady, you can stealthily fire off a text to your internet lady and get ole' Sally In-The-Flesh all kinds of jealous. Although, I suppose since she won't actually see your phone, she wouldn't necessarily know it was from a girlfriend. Make sure you mention it out loud.
"Oh my, another text from my dear Bethesda."
And now that you've landed a date with a
monster pretty girl, you'll need to start figuring out what you guys are going to do together. Remember, since she's not attracted to you but to the pain she's causing your theoretical girlfriend, you don't have to work too hard on these plans.
"Honey, you look beautiful. Want to split an entree at Olive Garden and fill up on breadsticks?"
Of course, once you land this ploy, you'll have to keep it up. This real girl is going to expect to see evidence of the other relationship you've supposedly been in. So here's the next step: a website called Cloud Girlfriend will help keep Bethesda's myth alive forever by making her a Facebook page. And you wonder why so many people on your Facebook do nothing but post spam links about new diets or free iPads. Most of the people on your Facebook are your friends' robot girlfriends! Think about it. How many of your friends' girlfriends have you actually met in real life? Your friend simply texts her and then exactly ten minutes later she calls him, right?
She broke mah boy's heart.
I'm sorry, but I just find this whole thing super creepy. Come on guys, don't turn to the internet for help curing your social problem. The internet is the cause of your social problem.
"Pictured: Doubling down."
Is this something you could see yourself doing? Would you be able to stomach having a fictional girlfriend? Let's all be really really honest in the comments.