What Kissing is Like In Foreign Countries
Have you ever fallen in love with someone on a vacation in a foreign country? Imagine you've met your exotic new romantic interest in a little cafe, you know, somewhere off the beaten path, somewhere not all the tourists go but quiet, you know? And you sit, holding your foreign lover's hand in the country of their birth. You lock eyes, you lean in, and suddenly they pull you into a headlock and begin poking the crown of your head with their tongue, as rigid as they can make it! Don't be caught off guard by weird intimacy customs in foreign lands. Read up on how kissing works in foreign countries.
Since Australians are always trying to top each other, generally over who has a bigger knife, kissing actually becomes a game of one-upsmanship. Most couples try to place their top lip just below their lover's nose and lower lip in the middle of their chin. Haven't you ever wondered why you so often see Australian couples circling each other, mouths agape, ducking and weaving and looking for an opening? Australians have the least romantic weddings and the most romantic boxing matches.
For every kiss given in England, the couple must each give two kisses to the household's framed portrait of the Queen. Also, all kissing sessions are followed by a twenty minute tea with the couple's family. These generally degrade into arguments amongst the parents about who would inherit the family's estate should the kissers be wed.
In Siberia, everyone kisses with their noses like Eskimos! Not because it's cold! Because it's cute! EEE!
"Excuse me? Um, pardon? I don't mean to be a bother, but it's just that we've been together for three years, and it is our anniversary, so I thought maybe, if you had a second, might I be able to kiss you? I mean, I'll keep it brief, and no tongue of course. I know you've got important things to do today."
Interesting fact: French Kissing was actually given to America as a thank you gift from France after World War II. So now we have two kinds of kissing here- French and American. French is wet and sloppy, like a baguette dipped in a light raspberry jam and slathered with nutella, while in American a kiss is hard and fast, like a missile strike in the middle of the night.
In Guatemala, they actually kiss by moving their open mouths close together and screaming. The angrier the scream, the more intense the love. This is the most horrifying type of kissing in the world.
IN UKRAINE KISSING IS SIGN OF WEAKNESS! YOU SHOW AFFECTION IN UKRAINE BY SHAKING HANDS! AND LOOKING UPON LOVER WITH ANGRY FACE!
What kind of frightening kissing have you witnessed in foreign countries? Warn the rest of us in the comments!