What Kobe Bryant's Ex-Wife Got From Kobe In The Divorce

Sure Kobe Bryant's Ex-wife Vanessa got $75 million in the divorce, and a couple of houses, and that's pretty OK for her. But she was his wife, and Kobe Bryant clearly clearly wouldn't have earned that $75 million dollars and those houses if he hadn't been married, I think we all agree on that. So she deserves everything she can possibly get, which thankfully is more than just 75 times more than the average person earns in a lifetime, and two more houses than most people will ever own. So what else did she get?

 

A Bird That Throws Up $100 Bills.

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Just in case she doesn't have time to go to the bank.

 

Cambodia

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Yeah, Kobe bought the countries of Cambodia and Yemen sometime in the early 2000's, and since Cambodia is the sh*ttier country, Vanessa got Cambodia. A few nice chairs and some throw rugs and I'm sure it'll clean up nice.

 

The Last Unicorn

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And it even came pre-slain, so she can eat its meat raw while wearing it's horn to mock it!

 

Three Jedi Squirrels

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Man, rich people get everything.

 

One Of Kobe's Wizards That Whisper To Him The Secret To Immortality

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Yeah, we all know the secret to immortality is to ingest a baby's essence by sucking it out of its eyes, but only wizards know how to properly process the essence into infinity liquid.

 

To Be The Power Forward For The Lakers

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It's a bummer for the Lakers, but it's part of the divorce settlement so there's nothing they can do.

 

Kobe's Legs

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Now that's what I call a settlement.

 

What else did Vanessa get in the divorce? Let us know in the comments!

 

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