What Kobe Bryant's Ex-Wife Got From Kobe In The Divorce
Sure Kobe Bryant's Ex-wife Vanessa got $75 million in the divorce, and a couple of houses, and that's pretty OK for her. But she was his wife, and Kobe Bryant clearly clearly wouldn't have earned that $75 million dollars and those houses if he hadn't been married, I think we all agree on that. So she deserves everything she can possibly get, which thankfully is more than just 75 times more than the average person earns in a lifetime, and two more houses than most people will ever own. So what else did she get?
A Bird That Throws Up $100 Bills.
Just in case she doesn't have time to go to the bank.
Yeah, Kobe bought the countries of Cambodia and Yemen sometime in the early 2000's, and since Cambodia is the sh*ttier country, Vanessa got Cambodia. A few nice chairs and some throw rugs and I'm sure it'll clean up nice.
The Last Unicorn
And it even came pre-slain, so she can eat its meat raw while wearing it's horn to mock it!
Three Jedi Squirrels
Man, rich people get everything.
One Of Kobe's Wizards That Whisper To Him The Secret To Immortality
Yeah, we all know the secret to immortality is to ingest a baby's essence by sucking it out of its eyes, but only wizards know how to properly process the essence into infinity liquid.
To Be The Power Forward For The Lakers
It's a bummer for the Lakers, but it's part of the divorce settlement so there's nothing they can do.
Now that's what I call a settlement.
What else did Vanessa get in the divorce? Let us know in the comments!