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What We’d Do If We Won The Lottery

Posted By: Tamar on 01.21.11

When people talk about what they’d do if they won the lottery, they usually say they’re going give money to charity and their families and friends. That’s very nice. But we at Smosh are kind of selfish jerks, so we'd keep all the money for our my own enjoyment. Instead of buying homes for our mamas, we'd do this stuff.

1. Buy A Diamond Bra

In 2006, Victoria’s Secret created a bra decorated with 2,000 diamonds, including the tacky broach between Karolina Kurkova’s boobs. The price? Only $6,500,000. What a deal! If we won the lottery, we’d totally buy this, as long as Karolina Kurkova modeled it for us.

2. Put MySpace Out Of Its Misery

MySpace is obsolete, but the people who run the company are having a tough time accepting it. If we won the lottery, we'd buy it, kill it and give it a decent funeral. As long as MySpace continues to exist, the world will be plagued by 13-year-olds posting video of their emo bands, and we just can’t let that happen.

3. Raise Ocelots

Ocelots are so awesome! At first, they’re cute, cuddly little kittens, and then when they grow up, they can rip off people's faces and eat their brains. But they’re smart, so you can train them only to attack bad people, like burglars and boy bands.

4. Flip New Jersey

Judging from television, New Jersey could use some fixing up—it’s kind of run-down and trashy, and a lot of the women wear a ton of makeup and have really big hair. But we see potential…we’d like to buy it, fix it up and sell it for twice what we paid. The first thing we’d do is get rid of Jersey Shore and The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

5. Invest In The SETI Institute

The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence Institute (featured in Jodie Foster’s Contact) is probably the most important organization in the world. Someone’s gotta be ready for the aliens when they visit/attack. If SETI “hears” them approaching, we’ll have time to clean up our satellite transmissions. We don’t want the aliens to think Twilight: Eclipse is representative of our society.

6. Hunt Ghosts

Ghost hunting requires all kinds of expensive equipment, but winning the lottery would enable us to put together a crack team of famous paranormal experts and outfit everyone with all the equipment we need, including Cloaks of Invisibility. Then the ghosts won’t see us and hide when we come in with the ghost-o-meter. Also, when we find them, we are going to bust the hell out of them, Bill Murray style.

7. Get Lasik For Everyone We Know

When the zombies come, people with glasses or contacts will be at a significant disadvantage if they lose their lenses and can’t find a Walgreen’s. We’ll make sure that everyone living in our zombie-proof compound has perfect vision. We’re going to need all the lookouts we can find to hold the invasion at bay.

8. Clone Mila Kunis

Everyone in America should have his or her own Mila Kunis. Women love her because she’s feisty and independent, and guys love her because she looks like Mila Kunis.

9. Find The Lost City Of Atlantis

With unlimited funds, we’re certain we could find Atlantis—not that fake one they tried to pass off on us a few years ago, but the real city, the one filled with mermaids and treasure. Once we found it, we’d raise it with hydraulics and turn it into a luxury resort where people can swim with dolphins and practice the Ancient Magic.

10. Buy Alaska And Kick Sarah Palin Out On Her Ass

We were stoked when Sarah Palin’s Alaska was canceled, but we’d like to do one better and oust the b*tch from politics forevermore. She’s much better suited for living in New Jersey.

What would you do if you won the lottery? Tell us in the comments!

Check Out Six Awesome Things I Want To Do Before I Die

Tags: atlantis, lasik, lottery, mila kunis, sarah palin, Winner, zombies

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70 Comments

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RavenTheFierce

18 weeks ago

first thing id do is get someone to rip Justin Biebers vocal cords out. good waste of money.

arrada101@gmail.com

19 weeks ago

That "emo" band that you have posted is called the Birthday Massacre, and they are amazing, and this is coming from a chick who listens to black metal.

aviatormouse

53 weeks ago

mila kunis does voice of meg from family guy btw.

aviatormouse

53 weeks ago

mila kunis is so sexy but meg is so ugly. wtf happened there?!

kendambu

54 weeks ago

#9 been there done that

Daisy716

62 weeks ago

cont. "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" is just a bunch of snobs who have money. In reality, New Jersey is a beautiful place and I'm proud to live here. Seaside Heights is AMAZING =)

Daisy716

62 weeks ago

I hate it when people think we're trashy and all that. I'm from Jersey, the show "The Jersey Shore" is made up of a bunch of trashy whores who aren't even from New Jersey. "The Real Housewives of New

halleann

64 weeks ago

why do you hate sarah palin so much???????

inyasha4ever

65 weeks ago

i would buy a kangaroo

dakitten

66 weeks ago

i love ocelots

matthew1312

68 weeks ago

i would definitely do #8

awesome taco

69 weeks ago

i live in new jersey!!!!!!!!!

Britea

69 weeks ago

Everyone should stop being so immature... Ian and Anthony have their OWN OPINIONS just like the rest of us... You shouldn't leave bitchy comments just because they dissed Sarah (which she IS A DUMB AS

Khanartist9

69 weeks ago

New Jersey already has hosted too many wacked up celebs, such as Snookie and The Situation. Don't go puttin Sarah Palin here too. Ima be moving to LA if Sarah Plin comes. She'll probably start breedin

maybe1princess

69 weeks ago

way to go Smosh! ;) I think I get why it randomly cuts you off if you put too much down, people making drama in the comments get cut off in the middle of their speech...lol

LordChao

69 weeks ago

Haha you pissed off the Sarah Palin lovers xD They're so serious and make so many threats just because one person has a different opinion \:) So immature xD

gman420

69 weeks ago

lick sarah jessica parker's foot face while you stick your dick in a butterfinger and firetruck it while also candyting on your grandma's old flappy tits. Just wanted to say that. firetruck you guys for dissin s

gman420

69 weeks ago

I have a bit of advise for you pricks, Sarah Palin is awesome and until I ready that picture I thought you guys were too. Hope you guys are happy you just lost a huge fan. by the way if you just kept

LoChristina

69 weeks ago

Do want ocelots :3

johnwi15

69 weeks ago

i would buy a ferrari a massive mansion hire hot girls buy a russian widomaker submarine and dive to find atlantis and pay my way into the smosh videos

LegacyJace

69 weeks ago

I would buy facebook

icefire

69 weeks ago

the band on the myspace pic looked like they needed to be put out of their misery too.

Vawpwn

69 weeks ago

What's wrong with emo bands?

superhyperbunny

69 weeks ago

I hate you guys
The birthday massacre is like my fave band D8
ajgafdkf

Phantom13

69 weeks ago

*bed to the Jersey Shore house)Hey, gas is expensive, so I could introduce each of their faces to an aluminum bat.

Phantom13

69 weeks ago

I'd buy Ian and Anthony and make them fight to the death. The winner would be the one who'd get to polish my rocket powered race car bed, which would be my second purchase. I'd then make them pull the

shmaliozeam

69 weeks ago

i would tell sarah palin to go f**k herself

Pwnk

69 weeks ago

I liked the Mila Kunis one the best

katiemaeschneider

69 weeks ago

Some secretary in my school won the lottery

tdude04

69 weeks ago

i want a mila kunis clone plz win the lottery

taikathaya

69 weeks ago

Don't send Sarah Palin to New Jersey. We don't want her any more than we want Snookie!

Addicted_

69 weeks ago

That picture of Sarah Palin really creeps me out.

shenjing

69 weeks ago

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jeroen50

69 weeks ago

the picture in the myspace part is the band The Birthday Massacre
they're one of my favourite bands, what's wrong with you?

LadyRosevanSong

69 weeks ago

I definetly would put Sarah Palin into India...in in the poor slums...

Potato Chips

69 weeks ago

I would want to totally clone mila kunis.

williamvillalta

69 weeks ago

mila kunis

bmmurr

69 weeks ago

Yay! I would do the same but I would recommended buying an island

hexu47abc

69 weeks ago

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Beast3476

69 weeks ago

i literally made an account to rant about how new jersey isnt bad and then i forgot what i was gonna say. oops =l

S-Schnizzle

69 weeks ago

when I read "flip New Jersey" I thought you guys were being literal. :,

iGetBored.T_T

69 weeks ago

I would buy Antarctica and make the penguins attack people I don't like. :3 Death by cuteness! XD

MarshmallowyGoodness

69 weeks ago

NEW JERSEY ISN'T THAT BAD!! D:<

yhu59abc

70 weeks ago

Hi,Dear Ladies and Gentlemen,Here ( http://www.madeshopping.com ) are the most

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smoshy190

70 weeks ago

I would by Ian AND anthony ;)

domobunnieh97

70 weeks ago

new jersey isnt anything like you say it is.
would i be correct if i said california was full of trashy celebreties, b***hy soccer moms on their way to their mansions, and drunk/high people living on

FiretruckingHai...

70 weeks ago

I would buy Ian.. Probably because my best friend would want Anthony.. Then I would shut myspace down, because it sucks. :D