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What Your Significant Other Is REALLY Saying In Their Texts

Posted By: Mikey McCollor on 02.21.12

Reality television. 7-11 taquitos. The nuclear bomb. Of all of mankind's most destructive inventions, none have caused as much harm as texting. Without tone and facial expressions, every statement from your already hard to understand significant other gets misconstrued. But worry not gentle texter! I've been in this very situation before and I'm here to let you know what all those confusing texts actually mean!

"I can't hang out tonight. I'm going to a birthday party"

(source)

Of course this means they simply don't want to hang out with you. The lie is given away when The secret is that there is literally no such thing as a birthday party. I know because I've never been invited to even a single birthday party.

"what is your friend Mark's favorite restaurant?"

(source)

She's really asking what your favorite restaurant is, but doesn't want to come out and ask. I think.

Single word responses like "yes" and "lol"

(source)

This unfortunately means they're not interested in the conversation. Your next text had better be super interesting. I had a small list of facts from World War 1 at the ready for just this type of situation. For instance, did you know that World War 1 was the first war with unrestricted submarine warfare? Whoa!

"L" followed immediately by "K"

(source)

They meant to type "K" but accidentally typed "L".

"i won't be home tonight because me and your friend Mark are going to play tennis for the rest of the night"

(source)

Sometimes, your significant other will hint that she wants you to start exercising more by describing her exercise routine. In fact, she probably has all those pictures of Mark without a shirt on her phone because she wants to motivate you into getting in shape.

"Mmmm"

When you ask a question and the only thing you get back is a string of "M"s, that means they wany to say no but are too polite to actually say no. This is the worst response to get if you propose over text.

"i'm literally having an affair with your friend Mark"

(source)

That has to be a typo. She must mean she's having a platonic bowl of ice cream with my friend Mark.

What texts have you gotten that you just had no idea how to deal with? Let's see if we can figure them out in the comments!

Check out Texting Is Bad For Your Health!

Tags: advice, relationships, texting, world war 1

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29 Comments

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Arab Superman

13 weeks ago

I think that it's pretty obvious that the writter's girlfriend cheated on him with his friend Mark...

Griff48432

13 weeks ago

uhh....

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WhoTheHellisAnthony

13 weeks ago

I would definitely invite you to my birthday party (if you need an excuse that's actually true) :D

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Lighteningmaker...

13 weeks ago

Ugh the worst one was when my bf text me saying "im dumping you because your a bitch and full of shit, a slag, a slut, a prostitute, and fat" (note that i am hopefully none of these things as i am only twelve)

TheFattymeal

13 weeks ago

Hey baby are you a fart, because you blew me away

Claudia Vallejo

13 weeks ago

Why was it allways friend Mark??!!

jana.smash

13 weeks ago

friend Mark = she has an affair with him^^

ichirocharles

13 weeks ago

You don't say (8D)>=>

pen-man97

13 weeks ago

when he said "friend Mark" he actually meant "archnemesis Marik" because Marik is taking over your girlfriend's mind after renaming her steve and playing card games with her. whatever you do, dont give her any rare trading cards or ancient egyptian artifacts you might have laying around.

GBYE45

13 weeks ago

DONT READ THIS! TOMORROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE AND YOU WILL GET A KISS FROM THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. BUT IF YOU DONT POST THIS ON 10 VIDEOS IN 2 HOURS YOU WILL DIE IN 2 DAYS. NOW THAT YOUR READING THIS DONT STOP! AFTER YOU POST THIS ON 10 VIDEOS PRESS F6 AND YOU CRUSHES NAME WILL APPEAR ON THE SCREEN. ITS FREAKY CAUSE ITS TRUE

Zenochu

13 weeks ago

Dude, your girlfriend and friend Mark are CLEARLY planning you a surprise party. Just make sure to act surprised when you get there

Zariel Guardado

13 weeks ago

0
3
0 lolwhuuut

DarkestGirl

13 weeks ago

"i am literally having an affair with ur friend mark" ha thats nice but these were pretty much UNINTERESTING, sooo WTF

Mario Lopez

13 weeks ago

On the mmmm one it says wany instead of want haha. " they wany to say no but are too polite to actually say no"

heizerbee

13 weeks ago

I like your stuff Mikey, but it's platonic, not plutonic.

ichirocharles

13 weeks ago

platonic, refering to plato?
or plutonic an igneous rock?

Annabanana1013

13 weeks ago

Did anyone else notice the type-o? No? Okay. :)

Mark Joseph Martinez

13 weeks ago

My name's Mark!!! ^-^

StuartAwesomePants

13 weeks ago

THAT DAMN MARK!!! :)

gustavo182

13 weeks ago

some people have a hard time understanding jokes @StephensonMoira hahahahahahaha

StephensonMoira

13 weeks ago

I've been invited to lots of birthday parties. Just because you two have never been invited to one, doesn't mean no one has. Literally, the only one on here that is accurate is the 3rd one. Maybe some girls do the 5th one too.

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