Where Does Mountain Dew Really Come From?
No one really knows what Mountain Dew is made out of or where it comes from. We just know it is tasty!
The ingredients are a mystery that have been passed out in secret by generations ever since Ignatius P. Mountain Dew opened his first little mom and pop soda stand in 1918. There has been much speculation. Many people think that Mountain Dew is basically just water, a bunch of high fructose corn syrup, and chemical flavoring. They couldn't be more wrong.
Mountain Dew is actually magical tears culled from the tear ducts of a very wise dragon.
The dragon's name is Xiuquatil. He has lived since before the Earth was young. Mountain Dew is his gift to us for having pleased him.
Long, long ago, when the Earth was new, Xiuquatil flew around space making sure all the planets and stars were where they should be. But it was a lonely job and Xiuquatil wished he had friends. So one day he saw a tiny green planet called Earth. It was full of something he had never seen before on his journeys through the cosmos: life.
Friends! He thought, and decided that the universe was pretty well set up and he should retire to Earth to be among other beings so he could communicate with them and not be lonley anymore. But Xiuquatil was a terrifying outer space dragon, and his appearence, when he landed on Earth, scared off the inhabitants. Saddened, Xiuquatil hid in the belly of the Earth to formulate a plan to befriend the creatures of Earth.
"How will I ever make friends?" he bellowed, and he started to cry. As the tears flowed down and into his mouth he noticed something. They were delicious. So he decided that he would find someone on Earth to give out his tears to the rest of the denizens of the planet, and then when everyone loved his ever-flowing gift of eye nectar, he would show himself and become best friends with the people of Earth once and for all.
Cut to hundreds of thousands of years later. More and more people are drinking Mountain Dew every day, and when the day comes that all enjoy Mountan Dew and new Mountain Dew: Code Red (which comes from his left eye, regular Mountain Dew he cries from his right), Xiuquatil will rise up and befriend us all.
And that's where Mountain Dew really comes from: it's eye juice from the tear ducts of an ancient space dragon.
Would you befriend Xiuquatil? Let us know in the comments!