Where The Glee Kids Will Be In 10 Years

Man I love Glee. Maybe it’s because I relate to shows about pregnant and gay teenagers more than I do shows about men my own age. Or maybe because it’s like Entourage for lonely 12 year olds. And how about that rapping Stephen Hawking kid? He’s adorable!

But as I sat back recently and caught myself up to speed on why everyone was gleeking out about this gleeking show, I couldn’t help but wonder what the future held for these fine characters. Then I read that the writers are actually writing them out of the show after next season when they graduate. But what of the future!? So in an attempt to put some closure on this issue, I put together a list of where I see these kids ending up in 10 years.

 

Kurt Hummel

 

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This kid is gonna be fine. He’ll move to New York, meet some dude 30 years older than him who owns a clothing line, get married, and move out to a huge house in Vermont. He’s got all the makings of a trophy husband; he’s demanding, he commands attention, he randomly breaks into song. He’s either destined for a life of luxury or a shot by shot remake of The Birdcage.

 

Finn And Rachel

 

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Will they or won't they? Am I right guys? But seriously, they won't. He’s going to end up working at a gas station in Washington and marrying a redhead with an eye patch determined to invent silent drape runners. She’s going to win Tony after Tony and transcend her gay-icon goofy looks. Seriously, gurlfriend can SANG!

 

Santana And Brittany

 

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College is going to be really weird for these two. My guess is that one of them will get preggers, the other will move in to help raise the baby, and before you know it they both have buzz cuts and are driving their Subaru to Lilith Fair. But hey, that’s what friends are for. Twenty bucks says they name their son something hip like “Rain” or “Applecare.”

 

Mercedes

 

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I have a strange feeling Mercedes will end up working for a low profile advertising firm in Chicago while running karaoke nights at a local bar until she gives that up to start a family. She’s the most complacent, go-with-the-flow character on television and she’ll probably stay that way her whole life. Causing nothing but happiness.

 

Sam

 

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Dead. He’ll disappear from social networking and personal contact and end up on the news in 10 years after assaulting a police officer, who mistook him for Macaulay Culkin. The good news is he’ll probably continue to date high school girls so he can totes keep reappearing in later episodes. I mean let’s face it, the kid lives in a hotel and his dad’s a dead beat. The odds are stacked against him.

 

Puck And Lauren

 

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In this case you have a large, short-tempered aggressive person who has a knack for trouble; and Puck. While I feel like Puck will end up a bartender for a really, really long time, it’s hard to tell with Lauren. Sure it’s easy to crack jokes about her size, but there’s so much more to her than that. My money’s on her becoming a cop.

 

Artie

 

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This kid’s off to a great start, his career’s got legs. And hopefully he won't just end up a music teacher at some high school. He’s totally got the pity vote and with a little help from science could make it to middle aged easy-listening recording artist status by the time he hits 40. Never give up guys!

 

Mike And Tina

 

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Happily married with a couple kids in Cleveland. Paradise awaits these two as Mike will become an engineer and Tina will head right into the teaching force. And that’s not me being racist either, they just seem like practical people. They’re the only two that haven’t flipped out at someone every episode and kinda are starting to resemble adults. Also they’re the worst drivers, am I right!? Are we drinkin!? Is this thing on?

 

Quinn Fabray

 

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Everyone knows the pretty girl in high school stays young and hot forever and becomes rich and famous, right? In the case of Quinn Fabray, she has all the makings for one of those disappearing white girl stories they saturate CNN with. She’ll be locked in a garage somewhere for a couple years and come out a lot quieter and with a book deal, forever terrified of prolonged eye contact. So like I said, rich and famous.

 

Well that about sums it up. Also, did you guys know that that Jaycee Dugard chick got 20 MILLION DOLLARS! Not worth it, but still. Let me know what you think about Glee by leaving a message in the comments below. Or screaming at me on twitter, @danborrelli

 

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