Why Are These Large Animals In The Backseats Of Cars?

We've all, at one time or another, had an unusually large animal in the backseat of our car. Mostly it's for the same reasons, it's either part of a religious ceremony, or to scare off cops who might want to pull you over for speeding. Most cops won't pull you over if they see that in your backseat you have a polar bear fighting a wolf, even if you're going like 80 MPH. But people have all sorts of reasons for keeping large animals in their backseats, here are but a few:

 

1. A Donkey

Very few people know this, but donkeys smell almost exactly like New Car Smell, so if you keep a donkey in your backseat your car will always smell new. Unless it dies, as recently dead donkeys have more of a pina colada smell. This is why you see so many guys over 40 who wear open-throated silk shirts driving sports cars around with dead donkeys in their backseats.

 

2. A Kodiak Bear

In Russia it's actually illegal to drive around without a Kodiak Bear in your passenger seat, as they're incredibly good at signaling that you need to turn right. Since it's been illegal to drive without a Kodiak Bear in your passenger seat accidents in Russia have been reduced to almost zero. The only problem with the law is that people getting eaten by their right-hand signaling Kodiak Bear incidents have risen to well over 100%.

 

3. A Lion

These guys actually had no idea that that was a lion. They thought it was a really unusual dog. They will both be missed.

 

4. A Humongous Firetrucking Dog

This is the Wishing Dog. He appears randomly in people's back seats when you least expect it and if you say "Wishing Dog Wishing Dog Wish Me A Wish" you can wish for any one thing that you want. If you do not say "Wishing Dog Wishing Dog Wish Me A Wish" when he appears, he eats your first born child.

 

5. An Ox

In Lower Slovakia it is considered good luck to keep at least one Ox in your doorless Sedan. No one from that country has ever done anything of value.

 

6. A Sheep

This man is very allergic to sheep and when he's around them his eyes get all puffy and he can't stop sniffling. He keeps one in his car at all times because his is an ex-CIA operative who has done terrible things, and this is his way of atoning.

 

7. A Goat

This goat was caught attempting to rob a Waffle House in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. In Baton Rouge, LA any theft of over $500 committed by a goat is punisheable by being forced to ride in the crowded trunk of a car with a Puerto Rican license plates. It is the most obscure law in all of North America, but oddly, the mostly consistently enforced.

 

What animals would you like to have ride in the back of your car? Let us know in the comments!

 

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