Why Living in Virtual Reality is Way Better than Regular Reality

We all remember that scene in The Matric where Neo is asked to take the blue pill and remain in the world he knows, or take the red pill and learn the truth of his life. Or it might have been that the red pill leaves him where he knows and the blue pill teaches him the truth. I can never remember wheich. In any event, Neo takes the learn-the-truth pill, which is one of the BIGGEST MISTAKES ANYONE HAS EVER MADE. If you're ever given the choice of living in a virtual world or the real world you should ALWAYS choose the virtual world, and here's why—

 

The end of sexism, racism, ageism, all other isms

sexist ad

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Since you get to determine the physical characteristics of your digital self, you can spend time as someone physically different than yourself. This will allow you to experience life as someone different than yourself and finally help us understand the plight of those who are different than us. Empathy can be acheived! Or empathy can be downloaded for 1.99 from the App Store. You know, whatever.

 

No possibility of physical harm

dentist

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You know that feeling when the dentist is scraping your teeth and they kind of catch a soft spot right on the line between your teeth and gums, and you get that sudden jolt of cold pain that makes your arms tense up? Well I DON'T. I haven't left my bed/ VR helmet combo for over four years!

 

Not bound by the traditional laws of physics

man flying jumping

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Once you become an avatar of a person living in a virtual world instead of a person living in the real world, you only have to follow the laws of the virtual world. Now, this all depends on what kind of a virtual world you've ended up in, but say it's the NES Ninja Turtles game. You'll be jumping, like, eight feet high! And if you can get a Game genie up in your virtual world, well, then, all virtual bets are OFF.

 

Social situations become much easier to read

weird party social situation

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In the real world, there are a lot of challenging scoial cues that indicate how well liked you are by your peers—do they text you to hagn out? Do they talk to you at parties? Are they thankful for what you bring to their potlucks? But if you live in a virtual world, all of that uncomfortable scoial status stuff is conveyed in upvotes.

 

No more sadness!

At least if you remember to run your anti-sadness PerlScript.

happiness perlscript

 

Easier to get at your iTunes

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Have you ever been driving somewhere, and you realize you haven't synched your iPhone with that new Jonathan Coulton album you just picked up from iTunes? This no longer becomes a problem when you live IN your computer—all your content is stored in the same place. Now it's jsut as easy to play your digital songs as it is to feel your digital feelings!

 

How will you live in the digital world? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

 

Check out teh freakiest virtual reality devices ever!