Why You DON'T Want The Ability To Time Travel
Everyone has things they wish they could take back. The way you treated the chubby kid in 4th grade. That car accident that might have been your fault. That time you stole a blind hobo's change cup. So maybe you can simply travel back in time and change it? NOT SO FAST. There are always unforeseen consequences to time travel. Here are a couple of reason why you do NOT want the ability to time travel.
1. Butterfly Effect
If you go back in time and simply breathe the air, you're changing something in the past and therefore the present. It'd be hard to return to 'your' time to find that breakfast cereal was never invented and that Lady Gaga is a radioactive monster stomping through Topeka, Kansas. WHICH IS NOW OUR NATION'S CAPITAL.
2. Knowing Your Own Death
This takes nearly all the joy out of your life. If you know you die in a blender, then you start to avoid smoothies. And here's a question- is a life without smoothies a life worth living? Well, I thought about it for a second, and yeah. Yeah, it is. I guess.
3. Get Into A Love Triangle With Yourself
If you go back in time, you might run into yourself and whoever you were dating back then. Of course you have feelings for her, you dated her. But you can't have her now, as this one-act play I just wrote will illustrate-
Time Traveler: Hey, you want to go out sometime?
Girl: I can't, I have a boyfriend.
Time Traveler: Ah, you should go out with me instead. That guy sucks.
Girl: But he's you.
AND THEN PARADOX.
4. History Fails To Live Up To The Hype
To be sure, the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation was historic. But the actual event, which, based on the historical importance, seems like it would be grandiose and emotional, was really just a tall guy in a hat signing a paper. Bit of a let down. They didn't even serve lemonade. Only gingersnaps. And those are... you know. Fine.
5. Murdered By Daleks
Why do the Daleks hate The Doctor so much? The only reason I can come up with is all the time traveling. What other reason could there be? That guy is affable. So keep yourself off the watch list of the most evil race in the galaxy and just stay home, all right?! I'm especially looking at you, Rose Tyler.
6. Bring Back Diseases From The Past
We stop getting vaccinations for diseases once they're eradicated, but if you go back in time and bring something back, we'll no longer have any defense! Past maladies you risk re-introducing to society include smallpox, brainanitis, cresent moon fever, tallpox, fox might, the brown bag special, mite-o-mitis, cartoon dog fever, poliOH NO!, influenza enchilada, and the boogie woogie flu.
7. Professional Disappointment
Sometimes you're just sitting there in 1980 and Future You shows up, telling you that your next project MUST be a sitcom about people in a bar- that it will be the greatest sitcom of all time! So tell me, how can you really feel good about creating Cheers if the idea came not from you but from the future? Not all the money, all the infinite, infinite money, can ever buy you a single shred of creativity, you hack who created Cheers.
What goes wrong when you time travel? Let us know in the comments!