Why Your Girlfriend Wants To Kiss Ryan Gosling And Not You
There is no way Ryan Gosling exists the way that he does if not to drive our loins to Crazytown. And I don’t mean his recent tour de force performance in the film Drive (even though it’s convenient for word play). I mean every action he makes in his private and public life has made us love him. He must do it deliberately, right? It’s as if he dangled on the Ferris Wheel of our hearts and scared us into giving him a shot. And it was worth it. My god. It was worth it. But how did it happen? How Did We Fall In Love with him? And why? Here are some theories:
He Brought His Mom to the Oscars
Who can pinpoint where love truly begins? Could ours have started at the 2007 Oscars when Ryan was nominated for Half Nelson and brought his mother to the ceremony? A move that can either make one question an actors sexuality (you know, more than most already do) or illustrate their devotion to one special lady? Sure, that lady is m-o-m, for now. But it proved his sensitive side was as well worn as his facial hair and that leads to the swoonings my friends. .
He Started a Band
Why do men start bands? You might think it’s for their songs to be used in Interstate Battery commercials but you would be incorrect. No! Men start bands for the ladies. Incidentally women and gay men do start bands for Interstate Battery commercials (deep pockets). So why would an award winning sex symbol like Ryan Gosling dip his toe in the wild world of indie popitude? How about ALL the women. And guess what? Boom. Mission accomplished. .
He Chills Bros Out
Gentle ladies love gentlemen. In August of 2011 Ryan broke up a likely street brawl on the streets of New York City. Lucky for us, the whole negotiation was caught on tape by an onlooker. I’m pretty sure that Ryan wasn’t aware of an audience at the time and since he spends the better part of his day thwarting such unseemly acts of violence. Ryan just wants people to live peacefully with one another. And it’s not that he’s a hippie. No sir. Could a hippie pull off that kind of aggressive nautical stripe on a tank top? I think not.
The trendsetters over at F*%#k Yeah Ryan Gosling! began an online revolution when they pasted the first “Hey Girl” onto a Gosling JPEG. Capitalizing on our growing affections they gave us what we wanted – nay, needed to hear. Everything from feminist affirmations, to Shakespearean sonnets to typeface nerdom, the memes touched us in the bikini area of our souls. And then, something magical happened. We found out Ryan not only tolerated its existence but was in on the joke! He understands us and isn’t afraid!
He’s a Hero
Just when you thought it was all fun, games and abs you could milk a snake on, there was a life almost taken, like so much snake milk. Picture this: A busy New York street, a lonely girl frazzled from a day of loneliness steps into oncoming traffic. But, at the very last moment, a dashing actor grabs her out of harms way, looks into her eyes and tells her, “you’re safe”. And off he goes into the crowd as she lives to blog on Gawker another day, alone. If she worked for Smosh she would have sealed the deal, just saying.
He Loves Dogs.
The coup de grace. Ryan is a pet lover. Not just any pet, his trusty dog George who is seemingly always by his side and presumably always in his heart. You put a cat, Ryan Gosling and his dog George in a graphic, you owe property taxes bud cause you just took ownership of the internet. That’s not one gal’s opinion, that’s science.
Hey Girl/Boy! Where do you think all the Gosling love comes from? Is this truly a master plan to manipulate us all into his love slaves (good god someone confirm this in the comments) !