Woman Suing Justin Bieber for Being Too LOUD?!

I get a lot of flack for it from my friends, but I don't really like concerts. Everyone's dancing and bumping into me, I don't know what to do with myself in that long period between opening band and headlining band, and I hate all the deep cuts ever band is so goddamn insistent on playing. But I know this about myself and still go to concerts. In no way am I ever surprised by how my concert-going turns out.

sudden clarity clarence
"I'm not enjoying this for the FORTY-FIRST time?"

But one woman apparently was surprised by perhaps the most rudimentary part of a concert - the fact that it was loud. Stacey Wilson Betts went to a Justin Bieber concert in July 2010 and is now suing him for NINE POINT TWO MILLION DOLLARS because, as E Online reports, she claims to suffer from "hearing loss, severe tinnitus (ringing in the ears) and hyperacusis (oversensitivity to sound)". She goes on to state that they're all "due to an unforeseen aspect of the show" - a sudden blast of noise that "exceeded safe decibel levels". Yes, she actually called loud sounds an unforeseeable aspect of the show.

water slide
She was also shocked to find herself getting wet on a water slide.

Obviously, it's unfortunate that these things happened to the poor woman. But how are you going to blame Justin Bieber for playing loud music for thousands of screaming girls? It's what Justin Bieber does! Would you sue the birds for chirpin'? Would you sue the children for laughin'? Would you sue Ludacris for makin' wildly inappropriate cameos in music videos?

ludacris and bieber
We might want to consider suing Ludacris for
making wildly inappropriate cameos in music videos.


Listen, we've all got that unfortunate uncle who believes, ever since that woman sued McDonald's because she was burned by their coffee, that all society wants is to make a quick buck off their own stupidity. That kind of thinking is extremely paranoid, because it assumes everyone is trying to get one over on you, and is usually held by people who track government conspiracies on internet forums. Now, normally you can brush off that uncle because you believe in the best in people and also because his fingernails are really long and he hasn't been with a woman in years. But this story? Man, this story… it's almost enough to get me on his side. It sure seems like this is a petty, frivolous, and exploitive lawsuit. So yeah, now I'm angry at Stacey Wilson Betts for giving me even one point of reference into the mind of this paranoid uncle. It won't be long before I'm thinking like him, becoming him, watching documentaries on how Chrysler killed the electric car and researching Loose Change.

fake moon landing
I swear to God, if I end up believing the moon landing was fake, Stacey Wilson Betts...

Do you think Justin Bieber is to blame for his loud concerts? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!


Check out Justin Bieber's Tweet Terrorizes Helpless Lil' Grandmother!