Zombie Attack Plan

Are you ready for a Zombie Attack? Do you have a plan?

 

I  woke up this morning with the realization that I was woefully unprepared in the case of a zombie attack.

 

What follows is the simple to follow 5 step program that I prepared in the event you are attacked by an undead horde.

 

Step 1: Ceiling Fans

As we all know the only way to kill a zombie is to sever said zombie’s head. With that in mind I have lowered all of my ceiling fans to neck height.

 

Step 2: Free Brains

I have placed “Free Brains” signs on all of my neighbors doors. I am not sure if zombies can read, but if they can, my hope is they will pass me by and go straight for my neighbors.

 

Step 3: Brains-MART

I have posted a sign on my front door that lists directions to my local Walmart. In the note  I say that it is a store full of brains and is called Brainsmart. This might seem cruel but lets face facts, the people that shop at Walmart are already dead inside.

 

Step 4: Chainmail Suit

If you've ever seen a zombie movie you know that zombies are not that fast or really that strong. Their arms and legs are always falling off of their rotting bodies. There's no way their rotting jaws could bite through a chainmail suit. So if you can afford it, get one of these numbers and you can walk around the post apocalyptic zombie world in style.

 

Step 5: Lock The Door

Duh! Zombies are dumb. They can't figure things like "locks" out so the simplest and best thing you can do is lock your door, then sit back and laugh. Until you run out of food. That's when you need the chainmail suit.

 

Feel free to implement this plan if you don’t already have one, unless you are my neighbor.

 

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