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SMOSH PIT

5 Hairstyles Guys Should Never Have (If They Want to Get Laid)

Posted By: Melanie on 02.04.10

The weekly update from Melanie on the state of dating affairs in the world.

In today's modern world with computers and motorcars and such, we know that we have to look good in order to attract the opposite sex, but sometimes it seems as though there are some guys out there who shun mirrors like they were the Quakers in early colonial times.

These guys are clueless and if you happen to have one of the following hairstyles growing out of your little noggin, you should take this as an intervention...

The Hipster Mullet

This shouldn't even need to be said because everyone should know mullets are the ultimate no-no, but time and time again, I see attractive boys growing baby mullets.

Sorry sir, the "party in the back" look is just not cute, no matter how ironic you think it is.

The Guido Blow Out

This one goes out to all my fellas in the Dirty Jerz. I'm talking to you, Pauly D! This style looks as though the head has been trapped inside some sort of wind tunnel in a Elmer's plant.

The amount of gel/ height of hair ratio should never exceed 1:1. Plus why in the world would you want to be more flammable?

>The JewFro

Just because Seth Rogen pulls off the Jewfro effortlessly doesn't mean you can just walk right in and pretend like that pile of oddly shaped curls and frizz constitutes something even remotely considered cute.

A simple trim down would reduce some of your Bob Ross similarities considerably. Your chances of getting cast as the goofy but lovable lead in a Judd Apatow movie (0.009%) wouldn't go down too much, we promise.

Girl Hair

We all know that guy. The one who just WON'T cut his hair. The guy you may stand behind on the lunch line and when he turns around you're shocked that he possesses a penis.

These people can be found at the following places: LARPing in the park, Magic: the Gathering Tournaments, and creeping outside your window at night. These creatures should be approached with extreme caution, especially when discussing the removal of their precious locks.

The Bowl Cut

Ian Hecox. Enough Said.

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142 Comments

MagicWindex

2 days ago

that last pic made me puke a little :) jkjk

blecky

4 days ago

i love anthonys haicut. ians is... well.... ok :D

dude95959595

4 days ago

I live in Joyz and there arent ppl like pauly d or snooki where i live thats just by the shore

christobass

1 week ago

guys my jewfro is the best

gray0209

1 week ago

hahaha bowl cut XD

LordChao

1 week ago

I like guys w/girl hair idk why xD

CARCARPWNZZ

2 weeks ago

the hipster mullet is cute!
and the jew fro is pulled off amazingly by Andy Samberg.

and the bowl cut is something only ian can/will pull off!

Johnny Renegade

2 weeks ago

candy I have the long locks... But mine are more rockstar than girly.

uhluhghgghhhuhyhuuhg

2 weeks ago

The lead vocals in "I Set My Friends On Fire" has a jew fro.... looks cool on him :o

uhluhghgghhhuhyhuuhg

2 weeks ago

The lead vocals in "I Set My Friends On Fire" has a jew fro.... looks cool on him :o

kitta123

2 weeks ago

Awww poor little Ian. I like the Jew fro *pouty face* Ha-ha. I DESPISE the boy with the girl hair it's just... dirty.

giadarenee

3 weeks ago

I like Ian's hair cut! It fits him well...

loveyou272

3 weeks ago

haha wow i love how some guys who are like buff and have like fake eye brows and ugly hair think that they are hot :P girls only flirt with them because they feel bad haaa

Churrogirl_818

3 weeks ago

ians hair is reatarted

guy hair should not go mor then almost an inch past the ear

Ms. Penny Lane

3 weeks ago

i know he looks really hot!

islandsmoshface

3 weeks ago

ians haircut looks sexy :]

RachieeWumbo

4 weeks ago

the last one was hot :]

Kerin-chan

4 weeks ago

Ian pulls it off.

meggy2510

4 weeks ago

Hhaah !!
Nice. But I think Ian pulls off the bowl cut look :]

AnimeAngelWizard

4 weeks ago

but i think Ian's hair is sexeh. ;P

RockyHorror

4 weeks ago

quick fact i'd f**k ANY guy with jew curls

abcd:)

4 weeks ago

I <3 ian he is goofy but hilarious!!! he will look good no matter how his hair is cut!

MrsJoeJonas96

4 weeks ago

Ahaha when I saw the title, I just knew you were gonna put Ian's hair, and just a question, WTF is he doing in that picture?

LanaBanana

4 weeks ago

Mel's going to be famous now.

ericballard

4 weeks ago

I find it humorous that no one knows who mel is.

ericballard

4 weeks ago

I find it humorous that no one knows who mel is.

crazystargirl12

4 weeks ago

okay that was funny im just tired of evryone saying omg ian is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo(ten more pages of os) hot. i mean roflmao weird!

IveBeenJulia-fied

4 weeks ago

hahah its been 5 minutes and im still laughing at that picture of ian... =D

Rose_Belinkov

4 weeks ago

lol....ians haircut is AWESUM

MashedTaters09

4 weeks ago

I WOULD TAP IAN WITH THE FIST OF AN ANGRY GOD

guineaman56

4 weeks ago

sex turns to sex?

christy_diann

4 weeks ago

aaw Ian is cute no matter what style hair he has.♥

zbcupcake

4 weeks ago

my best friednhas a jewfro lol

valuhreee

4 weeks ago

I would sex Ian any time, anywhere. True story.

maxijesus

4 weeks ago

roflmao cus of the last one

amandaxacidic

4 weeks ago

never again, ian. never again.

smoshguy1192

4 weeks ago

dfgadg

rizzledrizzle12

5 weeks ago

ian should keep his hair short coz if he growz it it is a bowl cut

CaitlynCullen

5 weeks ago

xD!!

2 dudes at my school have a jewfro.
xD!!
They are fat.. and i think one of them has down syndrome.. ;S

pippin95

5 weeks ago

jewfro. ha.

christobass

5 weeks ago

i have the jewfro and i play magic the gathering!

S-Schnizzle

5 weeks ago

the Ian Hecox is cutish. Just not the person.

ohlookalexus

5 weeks ago

Omg. There's this guy I go to school with and he has a mixture of the bowl cut and the girly hairy (like seriously, his hair is shinier than mine) and I was sitting a few rows behind him in class so I

NIMIDI

5 weeks ago

the girl hair reminds me of the jonas brothers

dodomir23

5 weeks ago

nuff' said. lol

superfan

5 weeks ago

hey i have long hair. bitch