Green Things That Are Just Wrong

In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, Sarah brings you a strange array of green things.

There are many green things that celebrate the holiday that has evolved from honoring that great snake-slayer, St. Patrick, into a celebration of nothing but things that are in the key of green.

Blame America for most of these!


Green Pizza

Green pizza for the Italians feeling left out of the celebration.




The Chicago River

Each year, the Chicago River is dyed green to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.

While it’s fun to look at, it’s gross to think about.




The White House Fountain

Last year, Mrs. Obama had the fountain on the lawn of the White House dyed green as a shout-out to the Chicago River.




Beer

Beer is the most accepted randomly turned green thing on St. Patrick’s Day. This is because, while the holiday is about dying things green, it is also about drinking tons of beer.




McDonald’s Shamrock Shake

Each year, around St Patrick’s Day McDonalds hawks it’s green milkshake. It is mint flavored. Mint has no direct correlation to Ireland or St. Patrick’s Day. It just happens to be green.




This Meal

Here is an array of breakfast food dyed green. While Dr. Seuss made green eggs more socially acceptable, most of us still find it creepy. And bacon should only appear as the color nature intended it.




This Girl’s Contacts

This girl got her contacts specially made to promote her bar’s Guinness specials last St. Patrick’s Day.

You don’t need beer goggles anymore, with these.




Dogs

A lot of light-colored dogs, regardless of Irish heritage, find themselves dyed green for St. Patrick’s Day by their celebrating owners.

The dogs never look quite as enthusiastic as their human counterparts though.




Facial Hair

This is for people who wish they could dye their dogs green, but don’t have dogs.

This makes me feel weird.