Pikachu Will Be Japan's Mascot for 2014 Soccer World Cup
When Japan travels to Brazil in June for the 2014 Football World Cup, their uniforms will be emblazoned with that same goddamn yellow rat who's been teaching Ash Ketchum lessons about loyalty and friendship and electricity for years. Yes, somehow, Pikachu has been chosen to be the latest official mascot of Japan's soccer team.
Here we see the Pokémon either playing soccer or deciding what they're going to tell the police when they're asked what happened to that woman.
And listen up, parts of the world that aren't America: I am referring to the game as "soccer", so you can either get on board or you can get RIGHT the hell out of here.
Until you create a game that is more exciting than two three hundred pound men crashing into each other head first, your little game doesn't get to be called "football".
Appearing on World Cup jerseys will mean huge publicity for the Pokémon franchise, so the deal makes sense from Nintendo's side, but what is Japan getting out of this? As we saw with Charmander's ill-fated deal with The Sizzler, Pokémon are incredibly poor pitchmen.
I know it's hard not to cry when you think about The Sizzler, but Charmander was on-camera and getting paid, man. That's his job.
So you're telling me, when the Adidas uniform design team sat down to try and conjure an image they thought would best represent Japan, the only thing they could think of was Pikachu? Japan is a country with thousands of years of tradition, a culture of honor, of respect, of obligation. They're creative and surprising and diligent and intelligent. And when Adidas thinks of them, they think of a cartoon mouse? That's some real bullsh*t, man.
Do we think the soccer players are happy with this uniform? These are athletes heading in to battle. Will a Pikachu really strike fear into the hearts of their opponents? Think about what it would be like if an NFL team chose a silly little cartoon as their mascot.
"Let's hear it for YOUR Baltimore Bun Bun Tipsy Blossoms!"
Who would you like to see represent your country in this sport no one in America cares about? Let me know on Twitter — @mikeyfromsu — or in the comments below!