10 Things We Don’t Want for Christmas
We know our readers love Smosh and want to buy us lots and lots of Christmas presents…and we have no problem with that. But please don’t buy us any of these gifts!
NOTE: These are all real items you can buy off the interwebs. But don’t, okay?
10. Hook, Line and Stinker Toilet Fishing Game
Everything about this game is disturbing, especially the hairy thighs of the toilet model. The idea is to “catch” the fish, which are “swimming” on the toilet mat. What happened to reading on the john? Do people really need more things to do while greeting Mr. Hankey? You know those fish are going to wind up in the toilet at some point…
9. Elvis Presley “Blue Christmas” Musical Tabletop Tree
Combining every form of tackiness in one hideous gift, this eyesore is a sparkly Elvis collectible, a miniature Christmas tree AND a music box, for the low price of $49.95. If you give this to us, we will insert it somewhere on your person.
8. Justin Bieber Celebrity Wig
We don’t want to look like Bieber, and we don’t think anyone else should, either—including Bieber. Please don’t get us this wig. Now if Bieber had managed to release his new line of cologne and nail polish in time for Christmas, that would be a different story.
7. Marvel Inflatable Talking Chairs
Who wouldn’t want an inflatable blow-up chair that says “Back off, Bub!” “I am Iron Man!” and “Armor, Activate!”…all at the touch of a button? Us. True, these things are so lame they’re almost cool, but we’re pretty sure our big Smoshy butts would explode the chairs the first time we tried to sit in them.
6. Glow-In-The-Dark Native American-Style Plate Collection
Yes, that’s four collectible ceramic plates and a dream-catcher—and the whole thing glows in the dark. This thing is so hideous that we’re almost tempted to get one for Grandpa Smosh. But that is NOT a hint!
5. New Moon Wolf Pack Packing Tape & Dispenser
For the “Twilight” fan who has everything…except wolf pack tattoo packing tape. Yes, packing tape. You’ll need this tape the next time you move and have to pack all your belongings into cardboard boxes—how else will the moving company know you’re on “Team Jacob”? But we do NOT need it. Ever.
4. SpongeBob Bat & Ball
If we tried to play ball with this bat, our own teammates would take it from us and beat us to death with it.
3. Hannah Montana Guitar Shaped Pull-String Piñata
Not only is this a guitar, but it’s also a piñata—a really lame piñata with a string you pull to let out all the candy. What if you want to beat in Hannah Montana’s face? That might be the one thing the SpongeBob bat is good for…
2. Snooki Bobblehead
If Snooki had been able to release her debut album in time for the holidays, we wouldn’t have wanted it. But since she didn’t, we’ll have to not want this magnificent bobblehead instead.
1. Flat-D Reusable Fart Filter
The Fart Filter is a real thing–no sh*t. You stick it in your underwear, and it filters out the stench from your flatulence. We could actually use one of these, just not the reusable one, please!
What would you rather not receive for Christmas? Tell us in the comments!