41 Freakin' Funny Fortune Cookie Fortunes

1 week ago

i got one once that said if the cookie is eaten you will live if not you will also live

1 week ago

go to sleep with an itchy bum wake up with sticky fingers might be the grossest on there (in case you dont get it it means go to sleep with an itchy but wake up with poo covered fingers)

1 week ago

I would love to have one with "The Cookie is a Lie" written on it... lol... Too bad that here in the city where I live there are no fortune cookies ç_ç

2 weeks ago

I got that "Jeez! I could come upp with a better fortune than that" one, and I got one that said "About time I got out of that cookie."

4 weeks ago

The 24th 1 is halareos!

4 weeks ago

My sister got a said that exactly said "YOU WILL GET ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!"

6 weeks ago

Sadly, I've gotten a good amount of these. My family is always so excited to see what fortune I get cuz it's always freakin ridiculous. I once got "Pick another cookie." :p

6 weeks ago

I once got one that said "You are optomistic and outgoing." It had a fifty fifty chance.

9 weeks ago

I found one that said, "Fact of the day: you just read a fortune cookie."

19 weeks ago

lol

19 weeks ago

So funny

19 weeks ago

I once got one that said, " how dark is dark?"
Yeah, you try making sense out of that

19 weeks ago

I once got one that told me I will never amount to anything. Wish I saved that and my brother got one that simply told him he was pretty. Not fair.

27 weeks ago

I got a fortune cookie and it said: Run in mud with bear feet, then your feet will be muddy.
0_o

29 weeks ago

i once got a fortune cokie wich said '...' oh w8 there wasnt any firetruckin fortune in there for some firetruckin reason!!!

29 weeks ago

I once got a fortune cookie that said,"You might be hungry later, buy some takeout!"
-.-"

30 weeks ago

I got one wich said
"If you break this cookie you will have bad luck for the rest of your life"
-POKER FACE (MEME)-

31 weeks ago

"You should not rely on our fortunes to tell your future, ya fricken jacckk asss."
(put alil pokemon action in that):D

32 weeks ago

Mine said "You love sports, horses, and gambling, but not to excess."

33 weeks ago

i had a blank one once. meh.

33 weeks ago

mine said:your arch enemy is gay

33 weeks ago

my fortune cookie sed nothing jus a blank piece of paper! WTF?!

34 weeks ago

Mine said "Children will appear in 10 years."So I went with it.

36 weeks ago

I had one that said, "Man with foot in mouth has athletes tongue." I was all like, "What in the world????" O.o

36 weeks ago

I got a fortune cookie once that said.."Work on improving your exercise routine" I was like..my cookie just called me fat...

36 weeks ago

ok so i was having dinner at a chinese buffet and my fourtune cookie said "wow, its about time i got out of that cookie." no joke. lol

37 weeks ago

i was watching a lucktime with smosh and i was eating fortune cookies with my lil' sister. Mine said: "you willfind your horizons suddenly broadened this month." and my sisters said "you will have goo

37 weeks ago

the creepiest one was the one that said " someone has googled you recently"

37 weeks ago

I got one that said "food is sex"

.........wasn't too sure how to react

37 weeks ago

i got on that said "you love chinese food"

37 weeks ago

i got on that said "you love chinese food"

37 weeks ago

I had the 1 that said:Go to bed with an itchy bum LOL

39 weeks ago

I once got one that said 'The fortune you seek is in another cookie'

41 weeks ago

meh.

43 weeks ago

GO TO THE #20 AND AT THE END PUT "IN BED" XD WTFT

43 weeks ago

My broth got one that said "WARNING; do not eat you fortune"

43 weeks ago

my baby cuzzo got one that said, "sorry, try again!"

they have it on their fridge.

43 weeks ago

"A thrilling time is in your immediate future" ...in Regis Philbin's pants. ;) poor Anthony XD

45 weeks ago

lol "that was't chicken" XDc

46 weeks ago

The fortunes are good and fun but one is very scare guess which one it is by 6:00pm easter time

46 weeks ago

i have one best of it i got a fortune cookie and found a qr code in it when i decoded it took me to a gay cartoon site in a pic where it was a gay comic where it said here is ur future...
then other

47 weeks ago

I got that "how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?" Fortune before. I also recently got one that said "ASK YOUR MOM"

47 weeks ago

hahah!!! that wasnt chicken!!

48 weeks ago

lol, "That wasn't chicken" xDDD It made me lmao!! It owned x)

48 weeks ago

I got one once that said "It tastes sweet".... I was confused lol

48 weeks ago

The other day, my best friend went to Panda Express and got a fortune cookie that said "Ask your mom." XD

48 weeks ago

My fortune is better. ;)
http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/180 618_1850149378718_1390243788_2158711_6751080_n.jpg

48 weeks ago

"The rubber bands are heading in the right direction". Very real! I got one I saved for over two years now. It was the freakiest one I've ever seen!

48 weeks ago

"some fortune cookies contain no fortune" happened to me once....it was scary O_O

49 weeks ago

once i got a fortune that said "You will find a Gold Egg Soon" it was weird. >_<